My weakness is crying. When I observe crying, be it of a baby, puppy, or peer, I will do anything in my power to make it cease. I can’t deal with all that excess of emotion.

I’ve never been good with emotion, showing mine – heck, even understanding mine – and those of people around me in life. Then, I found my first outlet, my way for dealing with teenage angst and frustration. I cut myself. (beat)  When I would cut, I’d transfer my emotional hurt to a physical, easier-to-deal-with problem.

I had this friend whom I trusted above all with my secrets and knew of my self destruction. He was worried about me. He begged me to find a “healthier” way to express myself, but I was more unwilling than a barnacle on a piling to change my ways. I couldn’t understand that this concern of his was genuine and purely out of his platonic love for me.

In a desperate attempt to have me comprehend, he said, “For every cut you give yourself, I’m going to cut me, too. It hurts me to see you suffering, Jo.” Then, he pulled a razor blade from his pocket and sliced the pale skin of his hand. When his blood dripped and pooled before my eyes, I at last grasped the depth of his worry.

With that friend’s help, I did find better ways to transform my emotions to thing I could deal with. Every step of the way he’d say, “I’ll always be here for you,” and I knew it was true.

During a particularly nasty mood, I called him up for a walk. He let me seethe and tried to make me release my inner-grouch.

It had been raining, only fueling my disposition and dampening a book I held under my sweatshirt, but when we came to a public garden, we stopped simultaneously beneath the falling droplets. Then we kissed. (pause) The rain stopped. Time Stopped. People, places, hearts, minds all froze. An orchestra started playing in the background and my spine tingled fiercely. His soapy, boyish smell flooded my cold, red nose and we were magnetically drawn together. My book now pinned between us, our arms snaked around each other’s waists.

When our lips broke, half a moment later, I was tossed back into reality. But because of that one, small touch (and I can deal with that) I knew everything would be ok.